Marking my territory

I'm peeing on everything! Let me explain...
The last few days, I won't lie, I've been close to the edge of that deep dark place all infertiles go as they prepare for the loss of yet another failed cycle.  There are no words in the English language to describe the pain of a loss of something that was never there. Needless to day I was a Debbie downer. I made the decision to start POAS (peeing on a stick for you non infertiles). So I started about 2 or  3 days after ET. I wanted to insure if I ever say 2 lines it wasn't my trigger shot. Well needless to say I was getting pretty used to seeing the all to familiar lone line.....until last night.
Hubby had to work late so we were going to grab a bite to eat when he got home. I of course was in a pity party on the couch and could barely gain the strength to get up.  He called when he was about 5 minutes away. So, marking my territory, I went and POAS. I made a conscious effort not to look at it. I set it on the counter, went and fed the dogs, let them out, filled their water bowel and got ready to go. I was going to look at it before I left and throw it away somewhere secretive so the DH didn't know of my secret. I felt like a drug adict hiding my stash. HOLY SHIT!!! I went in to see it. My eyes bugged, I held it at every angle possible, but there was NO denying there was a second line.  Just as I looked at it I heard DH petting the dogs at the fence.  Like a crazy person I ran, not walked, R-A-N outside waving a stick still wet with urine screaming Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, and ran back inside, then back outside.  I swear I could see DH holding his breath. He said he doesn't even remember coming through the gate. I swear I will NEVER forget that look on his face! We got to have our moment like any other normal person. It was a complete surprise, spur of the moment POAS. Needless to say we floated to dinner. Giggled the whole time. Went and got more sticks to pee on. And BLARED Queen's "Under Pressure" the whole way home. I'm under no illusion this means we will have a baby in 9 months. I'm more scared now then I have ever been. BUT that was by far the happiest night of my life!!!!

This AM I POAS again (of which I will continue to do every morning until beta day 12/22) and by God the line is still there. Just a shade darker but still there. I of course am up at 0430 googling everything pregnancy related.

Like I said, I know there is many miles to go. But for now, I'm taking the simple pleasure in seeing my very first second line. I am hoping and praying every minute that the line gets darker and we get good numbers. I feel like we have taken the first step to climbing Mount Everest, but we're not at the bottom any longer baby!!

I fully expect to come home from work today and see my best friend, the best man I know, mah baby daddy, surrounded by baby clothes he has been waiting to buy for 4 years. I'm so blessed!