How to be a supportive: For Dummies

Top ten things  NOT to do when your loved one is going through IVF:

10. We will come to you when we need you. I love that you are calling me everyday during my cycle to be supportive. It shows me you really care. But every time I have to tell the devastation's of today it breaks my heart a little more each time.

9. When I come to talk to you about...it will take awhile. Please don't hurry off the phone or try to change the subject. Believe me I wish I could keep this all to myself and I have been trying. So when I finally do bring it up, I'll have a lot to say.

8. I'm broke! All the extra money I have is poured into a child I don't have yet. How about we do diner at your house instead of out to a restaurant every weekend. I'm embarrassed I can't afford the things I used to and I will likely not tell you that. Just assumes my back account is always empty.

7. Please for the love of the good Lord, do not ask me to watch your child. I love them; I am happy for you and your family; yes they are beautiful and perfect. This is just salt in a wound and a constant reminder of what I don't have.

6. I can find my own people to relate to, you don't have to do it for me. I appreciate you want to help me and this is your way, but telling everyone we know that I can't have a child, and then those people coming to tell me there stories is down right EXHAUSTING!

5. I'm cranky; just get over it. If you had this many hormones running through your blood you may be tempted to lash out at the poor innocent cashier at the grocery store too. You pointing it out that I'm in rare for does not help.  I will rip your head off!

4. Don't make me feel bad for not giving you all the details.... then calling you in tears and making no sense. I kept things from you because it hurts to utter these words but sometimes, like a volcano, i simmer simmer simmer then EXPLODE! Shut your mouth and open your ears.

3.Please forgive me if I cry in the bathroom at children's birthday parties and baby showers and basically sound just down right hateful when I see other people's happiness. How's a bout a little more salt in that wound.

2. For the love of God, D-O N-O-T say JUST KEEP TRYING. I will hunt you down! If it was that simple don't you think I would have tried it already. oh and DON'T WORRY is also off limits. It is so beyond condescending. and that's all I have to say about that

1. When and if this does happen for me, Yes, I expect the world to revolve around me and my growing belly for a while. So please, even of someone else in the family is pregnant, give me a little extra love. I waited a long LONG times for this. If it doesn't and I move on to adoption, don't act shocked and please refer again to rule number 2.

Thanks! I know you love us and you truly want this for us. Follow our lead on this supportive thing, we will let you know what we need. Often times open ears and closed mouths is all it takes. I'll be a bad friend for a while but this is the true test of our friendship/relationship. Can you be there for me through this while I can't give you much in return at this time?